Don't mess with me. Just give me three gin

Don't mess with me. Just give me three gin and tonics and leave me ALONE! But before you go, would you mind handing me the remote? I want to watch "Leave It to Beaver" reruns.

We handed over the remote, both bottles, and a large glass with ice. Didn't bother with the limes. Best not to have a knife around mom during one of her turns anyway. The thing tha

ngy-majig was what Grandpa Nelson always called the remote control. He used two hands to press one button. Hard. I could hear the plastic groan. "You ain't squeezing orange juice

Granpop Nelson!" I said. " That there remote's gonna crack under the pressure you's applyin'. Cain't switch off if the remote's broke." "Don't never want to switch off. Don't never

use no double negatives in this house no more. Once them habits start it's hard to part ways with 'em." Grandpop sure did have nifty advice. I ain't never gonna see better nowhere.

Though he was boring being a grammar Nazi, he had a point. Only thing bothering his roommates was that he was breaking the language rules himself. They decided to get rid of him.

They defenestrated him when he got drunk and fell to death on October 1, 2016. As it turned out, the prospectof Det. Fjdfhgxcgy coming to investigate made his roommates defenestrat

-e into the defenestratosphere, and that suited Det. Fjdfhgxcgy just fine. In court the following Tuesday, Judge Jordan Interruptus lead the jury in mock prayer before the trial.

Bailiff Coitus Interruptus folded his forearms together and her bulbous greenish eyes seemed lidded in prayer. This was the opportunity the accused Ojjahkjhfkasjhfkjshdkjkhg was