The old lady stared at the flames blazing

The old lady stared at the flames blazing in the hearth. The Prophecy would be fulfilled. Now it was only a matter of days. She had waited for this moment, had longed for it

. This was the year, she was sure of it. She, Ida Schnellen, would be the winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes! The doorbell rang.

Unfortunately, the person at the door was not who Ida was expecting. "Good day, madam," said a seedy looking merchant. "I'm here to tell you all about a great new product."

Ida fell to her knees before him. "Master, tell me of Your wonderful products! Truly I am not worthy to purchase the treasures contained within Your catalogue. How could a wretch

Sign him up for the team, Ida thought sarcastically. Would no one hear her song? More importantly, if no one did, would she fall down in a forest?

To test her hypothesis, Ida bellowed "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME” (and the other words) until she collapsed on the ground, correct and unconscious. That's when the elven prince em

-braced her and swept her off to fairyland to be his elven queen. But when Ida was roused (via a good dousing with ice water) she was horrified at what she thought were insects

had been her eleven children. She had poisoned them all with rat poison while under the enchantment. The ice water that woke her had been thrown upon her by Prince Harming. He was

wondering how she would look wet, and she looked damned good! Problem was, she smelled like wet dog, which Prince Harming couldn’t stomach. He mounted his horse and rode, far away.