My family looks upon my career as printer

My family looks upon my career as printer salesman with some derision, but I'm about to make the deal of a lifetime. "The Duke" wanted a new face to evade the feds & my 3D printer

just happens to specialize in human facial graphing. step in, press a button, and bam! You can look just like Pamela Anderson.

Which is what happened to me. I was checking the machine out and pressed the wrong button. Then the machine broke. Now I looked like Pamela Anderson, problem was, I was a guy.

"If I told you once, I told you a thousand times...STOP playing with my breast milk pump!" my wife shouted. "You & Pam Anderson could be twins! Serves you right." My wife was

back tyre but it had a slow puncture - it was a lost cause. So my wife ran off with the Australian chiropractor, leaving me with nothing to do except knock on Pam Anderson's door

I heard shuffling and footsteps before Pam Anderson opened the front door. I cried, "Oh, thank goodness!" when she let me in. "You won't believe what the wife has gone and done."

Pamela Anderson let me lie my head in her lap and massaged my scalp. "Tell me all about it," she purred. I tried not to cry. "My wife stopped my subscription to Car and Driver."

"WHAT????" how dare he? Car and Driver? That's terrible. What ever will you do now?

Yeah, CARL. Come on Carl, it's not rocket science CARL. You need to learn how this society works CARL. You disgraceful bastard, Carl.