In an effort to improve their brand image,

In an effort to improve their brand image, the Mormon Church took some suspect advice from a PR firm and began to dress their missionaries as Lord of the Rings characters. It was

-hed over them. The ridiculousness of it. Here the Mormons were, using the tropes of a fantasy story to get people to believe in their "Jesus in North America" fable. American Indi

songwriters picked up on this theme and before long music videos featuring Mormon Manifest Destiny began appearing everywhere. It was indeed ridiculous, so ridiculous

that a team of expert skydivers and sky writers would copy the manifests words into their displays. A small plane pulling a sign saying "If you can read this then you are too close

" got sucked into the starboard engine as our sky platform chewed through the sky. Captain Owens asked if we were writing manifests or manifestos, but he lamented, "People don't

bother with dental hygiene in this day and age. All they want to do is the social apps. Just wait until these twerps have a root canal or two." I decided not to offer the spearmint

But the peppermint instead. The dentist was a red wolf whose big paws were less clumsy with novacaine than the human Dr. Wolf replaced upon the human's retirement.

the iron maiden won't close quite completely. He asked me to wiggle around a bit so I did. Almost instantly there was a click and the maiden was closed for the night. She had made

whoopie and was no longer technically a maiden. Now she was an iron lady. My iron lady. Actually, she did my ironing for me, but as she cooled, so did our relationship.