Just as Alexander the Macedone wept salt

Just as Alexander the Macedone wept salt tears when he had no more worlds to conquer, so Lex McBride lifted his bloodied face to the Vegas crowd and swore to quit boxing forever.

Unlike Alexander, Lex was not destined to die in Babylon - instead, his meteoric rise as King of the Lounge Lizards began in its modern equivalent - Las Vegas. Starting as a call

girl dispatch operator for the Pakistani mob, Lex had played alto sax in a garage band with John Lurie back in '73. He would later murder Lurie and assume his identity, traveling

light with just a carry-on. With the stolen identity Lex got a second chance at a credit score and another free meal at Denny's on his birthday. But, Lex was an ass.

He was still intolerably arrogant, and continued to use his intelligence for evil. Lex developed elaborate schemes to avoid paying parking fees. He wrote bad checks in Clark Kents

Bar & Grill (Home of the Lois Burger), & constantly finagled his way out of jury duty each & every time he was summoned. Lex was a cad. A smart cad, but a cad nonetheless. Lex

A hologramist and took an apprenticeship under Dr. Ziti at the Pasta Institute. Dr. Ziti was a genius who lapped up the ravioli with his huge tongue. Gene Simmons was most jealous.

Gene could merely suck up one spaghetti at a time, whilst Dr.Ziti devoured pasta alphabet at breakneck speed. Dr.Ziti was the true Pastafarian. Dr.Ziti's apprentice was very lucky

to have obtained such a marvelous teacher in the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster arts. Gene was about to finish his plate when Dr. Ziti choked on a large meatball and died.