With consummate ease he put the lime in the

With consummate ease he put the lime in the coconut. Across the room, his rival had just succeeded in putting the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-shomp. Meanwhile, in Rio, the

IOC members were experiencing the delights of carnival. Drinks were flowing and the truth about doping in sport was being told to anyone that cared to listen. A cocktail waiter

with bulging biceps crushed my glass to a pulp by accident. He had made a habit of sip stealing from athlete's drinks spiked with HGH. The cocktail waiter's neck blocked my view of

the cocktail waitresses butt, which was the only good reason to be in this joint. I said "Excuse me, but could you please move just a scosh?" He raged "What the hell did you just

whip with pink sweaty thing?!?" I showed him. I'd whipped a leather briefcase with my giant charcuterie bull whip. i was about to tear it up in this little tavern.

Aren't you forgetting something, man?" I had no idea what he was talking about. A tip? Had I forgotten to pay my tab? The bartender placed a kielbasa in my hand. "Might need this

Why in the world your I need a thing like that? Maybe he was...hitting on me?! What a crude, strange way to do so... Yet, for some reason, I took the sausage

and stuffed it into my mouth whole. Then I said to him, "Yes, I drive you crazy - I understand, I'm a helluva woman." Except what he heard was,"Mffmphmmmmphaheamfffphmmth." The sau

ce was laced with multiple venereal disease and that's how you got the herp, the derp and the AIDS from me. I'm a helluva woman, hear me roar.