"Grandpa, did you ever have sex?" "Well,

"Grandpa, did you ever have sex?" "Well, Willie, if remember correctly the last time I wet my whistle it was at the drive-in.about 1955 with your Grandma during..." "Wiillard, shut

your piehole!" Grandma snapped. "Willie, you mustn't pay Grandpa any mind. He's senile." Grandpa's eyes twinkled mischievously. "...The Seven Year Itch," Grandpa finished.

He closed his eyes. His head rolled forward. His chest stopped moving. Then Grandpa slumped against the wall. Dead. I walked up and said, "Grandpa?" He jumped up and yelled, "

NOT! Ha Hah!" Grandpa never gave up a fad. He still said "Pshyche!" all the time, along with "Whaaaaazzzzzaaaaaaaappp" and "Bitchin!" I was done. We'd been on a 1,200 mile roadtrip

and grandpa's fads were driving me crazy. Finally he nodded off and just as I was about to smother him with his Spongebob Squarepants pillow, he roused and shouted, "Hashtag

PatrickisBae!" I shook my head. He was so obsessed with all of these past trends, that he often forgot what year it actually was. Gramps needed help, but

He was a stubborn old man. He was alive and kicking at age 98. Next year he turns 99. I secretly doubt I will live that long, especially in the wonderful world of "affordable care"

Publicly I also doubt but with too much of a hint at equivocation so that anybody who might be paying attention would doubt that I doubted for real. It was a staked out Idea. Peril

waited around the corner while Tomfoolery whistled the signal from the alley. Officers Smugness and Danger had guns at the ready while Peril kicked in the door. Revenge made a run