Lukewarm orange juice. Two burnt eggs, stale

Lukewarm orange juice. Two burnt eggs, stale coffee, cold oatmeal. It was a perfectly ruined breakfast. That's why Pat ordered it. He wanted to have a miserable start for the week.

Pat needed to pretend to be depressed so that he could break up with Tara and still be able to borrow her car. This miserable breakfast was a perfect start to conveying misery.

Pat's dismal plan proceeded flawlessly. His contrived depression made Tara believe he was sincere. But his poor penmanship prevented use of her Fiat: he discovered her cat on his

case, spying & writing down in its notebook every time he laughed or whistled a jaunty tune. Pat wrote a letter using his best handwriting asking to use her Fiat, but Tara scoffed

at his request. Pat never returned anything he borrowed, just like that time Tara let him use her sham-wow to buff his dumbells. Big mistake. Then there was that other time when he

decided to use the toilet cleaning brush from Tara, as the can was in a bit of a state, after the boredom of using the brush the way it was intended he

decided enough was enough.He wanted to go ice-skating with Tara.Donning his rainbow sequined spandex unitard, he held his hand out to her, the hand he just used to clean to toilet.

rightfully so...she was completely naked, except for her skates. She skated back and forth across the ice six times. Then she took her skates off and put them back on six times.

This was her good luck routine. It was 4am before the big figure skating competitions and no one was around to see. A few hours later she skated out before 10,000 judging eyes.