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The ship smashed against the rocks. Severed

  • The ship smashed against the rocks. Severed heads rolled out of the chest. This is where the captain has been hiding his friends. I took the torch and waved it at

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  • the hands crawling toward me, dragging dead arms scraping the decks with their bejeweled bracers. The heads began to move their jaws but only those with teeth could scrape forward

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  • - gently removing the barnacles from Queen Elizabeth II. No, not the boat - the monarch. She's holding up quite well, considering, but her fossilization process is proceeding quite

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  • apace. You see, the government uses the cold salt water of the North Sea to keep the sovereign's body from decaying. But the lack of a proper burial disturbed the Archbishop.

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  • You see when the cold salt water evaporated, the stench of rotting flesh from beneath the porch was not appealing to the archbishop. But it did help him to acheive

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  • ascension to the great beyond. His disapproval at finding the dead bodies under the porch forced my hand; I grabbed the nearest object and

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  • gave it to Cowboy TV! I knew he needed it for something important, like

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  • lubrication. Everyone knows what an improperly lubricated remote control does to your

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  • undercarriage. I had sprayed the underside with all sorts of cleansers attempting to remove the "barnacles," to no avail. Then, I discovered the solution:

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  • alcohol, which solves most solutions. Just rub it all over the "barnacles" and watch them drop off. Then you can drink what is left and celebrate cleaning them off the boat.

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