The Archbishop stood before us. I thought

The Archbishop stood before us. I thought about his father's ears and his family's hidden German past. Through our marriage, we would rule the world. According to the prophecy,

our baby would have the Archbishop's ears,but more important:he would rule the underworld and travell across the six continents bringing mayhem and dispair.Two "I do"s latter we

were married. I had my brother Gerry put the priest out of his misery, and the three of us retired to our motel room to begin the conceiving of our child. Nine months later,

nothing happened, as it turned out HE was actually a SHE. This never came up in casual conversation, and the "equipment" I had seen was actually a strap-on. She'd been fooling us

because she was "MUMRAH!!!!! The Ever Living" the strap on flew off with a bunch of magic mummy wrap and I was alone, and naked with some evil force in the galaxy, so I grabbed

a croquet mallet. Mumrah backed away as I looked at the eldrich runes glowing in St. Elmo's Fire. "No! you have the Mallet of Destiny +4 vs. Mummy (2d20)!" Why did he even have it?

Maxwell's Silver Hammer totally had a better damage ratio. "But this one hits faster!" he objected. Not having the gumption to explain damage rates when it should have been OBVIOUS

to any cretin that a platinum nail clipper +5 against harpies wins the battle 9 times out of 10. The DM informed them "While you argue over weapons, the harpies rip the manicurists

of them! Humming merrily, it occurred to DM that he had reached the self-actualization stage of Maslow's hierarchy. He set upon his task, finally ready to rule the world.