My nipples had been sore all day, but I hadn't

My nipples had been sore all day, but I hadn't had a chance to check them - work was crazy busy, and I didn't want to be late for yoga afterward. That night when I finally checked

my nipples I found they had been both pierced with gold rings that were encrusted in diamonds and Rubys. I wondered if my dream about flying on a magic carpet in Arabia as a Genie

describing to me how this video would be a classy exploration of the female body, I noticed he was taking off his pants. He kept using that word: classy. But he was wearing

a wombat fur thong. Classy, not. The female exploration vid. started at the arse and ended at the elbow which is good as I have difficulty telling those 2 apart. He then squatted

like a leprechaun. A good leprechaun squat is a little creepy and low to the ground. Having mastered that he

proceeded to squat all over the place, waddling up to innocent bystanders, and licking their shins. The feeling of coarse leg stubble was his favorite spice for soup.

Goat's head soup was served instead of turtle soup that day at Binyon's. Chef Boyardee was impressed and put it on the menu, alongside curried goat, Jamaican style. Bob Marley tast

But Hitler spit it out. Too ethnic. So he went to to eat saltines and tell awful jokes. And pillage the west andes. As was the customary rite of passage for bloodthirsty dictators

, his pee was tested for foreign matter to prove his racial purity. He failed when a trace of curry was detected. Damn that aloo baingan masala he'd tasted the night before!