"Why did you pick that color?" she sighed.

"Why did you pick that color?" she sighed. "It's gun metal" I said. "The color of guns and metal. It's kind of manly..." I explained. "I wanted a white wedding dress" she sobbed

. But I couldn't even see the color white. Yeah, guns are so manly. You know what else is manly? A man's penis. You can't argue with that. Wedding dresses aren't manly at all.

Manly Beach in Sydney, Australia is very manly. Every year a Manly Man competition is held where competitors take part in the following manly events:

The Lawnmower Marathon, The "Lost-But-Won't-Stop-To-Ask-Directions" Roadrace, and (the most popular event of all) The Beer Gut Beauty Contest. The Mr. Manly Man competition drew

the most attention from the media, while the "longest beard contest" was old news since the same guy won every year. There was also cotton candy, and mac-and-cheese on a stick.

their beards of crumbs, which were in turn eaten by goshawks nesting in their hair. Their droppings sheltered the voles. The hipster circle of life was complete. Food on a stick

deep-fried, smothered in bacon-grease and turbinado sugar was how Paula Dean christened hipsters. She touched them on the shoulder and said, "You are now, Sir Burnside Chop

of the Five-Leafed 'Clover'. You shall, from now on and forever more, wear this plaid fedora every day, and claim that everything old was better than anything new!" She grabbed his

Old, wrinkly hat, and slammed a fedora down in it's place. "Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" He shouted, as he knelt to the ground and began to weep uncontrollably