I slammed the giant bird down on the table

I slammed the giant bird down on the table & said "FINE! Then you eat it." With that, I twisted the top off a giant jug of chardonnay & headed into the backyard. This Thanksgiving

I decided to dont give a s---, I have realized that thanksgiving, along with christmas, easter, valentines day, and all other capitalist fascist holidays are nothing more than

days on a calendar, that help me remember what time of year it is. Of course I could look out the window and see the change in the environment but that would be too easy. I am lazy

and super hot. Being totally unmotivated but extremely attractive has allowed me to climb to the

to conduct toll booth customer service surveys to discover my secret. But I knew that my toll booth talents were a gift from the Lord above. No one could duplicate my hypnotizing

flashy things. I knew how and when to push all the right buttons. A steady stream of drivers lined up every day just to pass by my tollbooth and gaze upon my impressive signage.

Little children in the backs of station wagons gazed up at me in awe, hoping that someday they might be a tollbooth operator, too. My register was filled with quarters, dollars,

and assorted other coinage catching their eye. I shined by tollbooth "Worker of the Month" badge & adjusted my cap smartly.Then a van full of kids threw bubblegum in my coin hopper

And threw it back at them seconds later, as trajectories making gorilla sounds. That said, I drove home and cooked rabbit stew whilst the CNN talking heads exploded one at a time.