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It was 5.48am. A blackbird was singing outside

  • It was 5.48am. A blackbird was singing outside the window in the gloom. I reached out - nothing there. I looked & there was a burnt hole the shape of my husband in the mattress.

    5
  • Spontaneous human combustion.I leaped out of my bed & did the happy dance! My husband was GONE & now I could collect his life insurance! But 1 problem: spontaneous human combustion

    4
  • the room and drapes were all smoky, maybe a dash of paint. I deftly vacuumed up the ashes of my husband and called State Farm Life. Spontaneous human combustion not covered? Damn.

    4
  • But then I called an attorney--Joe Lateeple. "Ma'am ur husband did not spontaneously combust, nope. His underwear ignited his undershirt. State Farm Insurance will have to pay!"

    5
  • "First off, your grammar is atrocious." I replied to the attorney. "Secondly, we don't have state farm insurance, we have Geico. Thirdly, how again did his underwear spontaneously

    4
  • disappear?" The attorney stared at me, stuttering. "You is so much wrong!" He screamed, pointing a finger at me. "You much much very bad go prison." Of course, everyone listened

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  • in translation using the court's Translation Services. Most days they only used the Spanish translator but due to the high visibility of this case they had them all working today.

    5
  • Straw monkeys glancing at the translators, wondering if they spoke Monkeyish. Mr. Straw and his friends wore fedoras and exchanged notes on Monkeyman's trial. Monkeyman was drunk.

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  • Monkeyman climbed up onto the judge's podium and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Is that liquor I smell on your breath?" the judge asked. "Is that a baloney sandwich I smell on yours

    4
  • ?" The judge looked Monkeyman up an down and banged his gavel. "CONTEMPT!" Monkey man licked the judges face, "Yep baloney!" The judge was stunned. "DEATH is the sentence!"

    4

1 Comments

  1. Woab Feb 28 2017 @ 17:09

    More insurance- won't PurpleProf be pleased! (Even if it did end in fried monkey.) I wonder if Ashwriter is still around, that line was funny. This whole thing is a riot.

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