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His son came to him with a picture of a family,

  • His son came to him with a picture of a family, in crayon, holding hands in front of a box house with a smiling yellow sun. His dad hawked a loogey and spat it right on the drawing

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  • "I want your Mother's brests augmented, and I want them augmented now." Crying, little Ricky set to work, wiping away Desi's spittle, and drawing a fuller busom on Lucy.

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  • This made him hungry. So, he turned to his father and asked

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  • if it was OK for vampires to snack on zombies. Embarrassed, his father started hemming and hawing about

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  • banshees and manticores.Why did vampires,warewolves and zombies get all the atention?Who made them kings of all things dark?There's some good monsters being neglected nowadays.He

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  • felt so strongly about this that he put on his best mummy costume and began murdering random strangers once per week. After a couple months

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  • his budget for gauze was exhausted, so he took to other costumes made of found objects. Although he was still murdering random strangers, it became performance art. When he saw

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  • the nightly news report the sighting of a man wearing a fullbody condom made of run-in pantyhose who was suspected of being involved in what waspreviously thought to be the

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  • biggest Adult Novelty Shop Heist of the century. IT seconded only to the great dildo-napping of 1892. And was far better played. In any case he was obviously the culprit.

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  • and was sent to jail immediately on the knowledge that he sucked

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