Why are you here on this planet? At first

Why are you here on this planet? At first I'm stunned. What do you mean why I'm here. I'm here because my parents got married. I don't really know whether they planned to have a ba

noffee pie the night I was born or if it was just an impulse purchase. In the end the pie was forgotten about when I turned up as a screaming bundle of joy. The sleepless nights

, the endless days... Oh, how my parents loved my incessant screaming. Did I mention that my dad is Edvard Munch? Perhaps you've heard of him. He painted a picture of me

deeds in my time. Once, on a night out, I was got extremely drunk and I smoked a bit to much crack. I took some heroin and meth, and then fucked the principle of my school.

My class mates were disgusted by my actions, but the principals penis was pretty big, and he did pay me for it. Later on, I spent the wad of money he gave me on a packet of

self-help pamphlets, and a nice lunch. It seemed my world view had gotten pretty twisted somewhere along the way. I broke down halfway through 'Coping and Communicating' and looked

to see that my father had built a replica of Scrooge McDucks money pool. I had no idea his collection of hippo pubic hair would trade for so much bullion. "COME HAVE A JUMP IN!" he

rmits shouted. The hermits had come down from the mountain to scourge Scrooge McDuck. Although the hermits were wise, Scrooge was ready for them. He had mercenaries.

Hermits? They don't got mercenaries. They can't even work together. They've got, like, pointed sticks & rocks. Scrooge has his own microbrewery. Yeah, those hermits got duck raped.