"You called me Tom Selleck again." He squinted

"You called me Tom Selleck again." He squinted at her warily from the other side of the cot.

She scratched her beard & peered intently into his crinkly blue eyes. "Take off that mustache!" she demanded. "It's absurd!" He was used to her moods, her delusions. The accident

had damaged the part of her brain devoted to recognition of facial features. Ironic since she had hypertrichosis & he was a Biometrics researcher. "Dear, this is real." She tugged

on his uni-brow. Like a giant brown furry caterpillar above his eyes signaling this was going to be a long cold winter. Worse than the winter of 95 her mother talked about so much.

-nds to mate with other unibrows. Now, after years of being asked if he had a caterpillar on his forehead, he was finally browless! At first it seemed like a miracle, until he

realized just how attached to his unibrow he was. He felt stomach pangs, and couldn't sleep, waking up every morning at exactly 3:33 and scream out for it, but he was browless

and the only hair left on him was on his feet. He was half hobbit on his father's side and half dwarf on his mother's. which explained his penchant for unibrows and hairy women.

His uncle was a cousin of Gandalf or so the story went. He spoke Dwarfish and Hobbit language. His English was much better than mine. Amazing. We had tea and crumpets.

He seemed to not have realized that he was from a fictional world, but to make sure, I asked him, "Where are you from?" "Middle Earth," he answered. "Well, not anymore."