The first single from the album, title track

  • The first single from the album, title track "You're not ugly or poor, are you?" set a music industry record by

  • which Michael Jackson's Thriller meant nothing. They won every Music Award in the industry and everyone knew the lyrics of "You're not ugly or poor, are you?" by heart. In fact, if

  • you even hummed a bar of it, the entire clone pod of humanity within earshot would break into choreographed song and dance. It was almost as if

  • Metrosanto knew which strings to pull. Well, why wouldn't they? They pretty much owned us, and we owed them our beauty and predictability. Even so, there were some songs, dangerous

  • lieds, with melodies and words that would strike down a ninja at 250 yards. How Metrosanto had gotten mixed up with asian fighting arts was still a mystery, but they were ready.

  • The famed conductor Hung Long offered to conduct. Metrosanto found an amazing venue. It was a underwater cave that was safe when the tide was

  • in, and easy to find when the tide was out. So the concert began! Twelve hundred violinists piled into the underwater cave, stacked to the stalactites. Hung could barely raise

  • the baton. It was already cramped in the cave when the Symphony of Thousands began, making for poor articulation, but the high pitched screeching attracted a bat swarm & the guano

  • dripped from above, clogging their instruments. It was sounded like s**t. The conductor raised his baton and smiled. S**t Symphony in B Flat was acoustically glorious in the cave!

  • However, it wasn't very aesthetically pleasing. But this was the post-Tom Green era, when the aesthetes became as dead as the language that spawned their name, & with them, merit.



  1. DanMars Dec 10 2012 @ 18:51

    Cool that it stayed music centered throughout! Where can I find "You're not ugly or poor, are you?" I'm a fan of anything Post-Tom Green. Ha ha best ending fold I read in some time, banana

  2. jaw2ek Dec 10 2012 @ 19:14

    That is one hell of an end. Kudos.

  3. 49erFaithful Dec 10 2012 @ 19:54

    Holy batshit Batman! It smells like guano in this cave.

  4. inatick Dec 10 2012 @ 19:58

    Hung Long used to a Vietnamese restaurant with fantastic soups until it was knocked down for a tunnel.

  5. Zetawilk Dec 10 2012 @ 23:25

    Tom Green, I remind the fair reader, was the "genius" behind "Freddy Got Fingered" (which was a spiritual epiphany for the grade ahead of me in school), and therefore the spiritual antecedent for anything generated off of MTV, Comedy Central and Adult Swim since.

  6. DanMars Dec 11 2012 @ 16:40

    "Freddy got fingered" made me the respectable young man I am today.

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