I beat my mate at darts and stinky farts

I beat my mate at darts and stinky farts last night. He wasn't too pleased. He'd held both records for 2 years running. Tonight it's the burping contest and I'm eating lots of

broccoli and Dr. Pepper. Sounds disgusting and it is. But combined they produce a gas that would make a crime scene technician gag. It has taken years to find the perfect

brocc-to-Doc ratio, and it's been a financial burden. Plus, my mad science caused catastrophic damage and odor in every room but my basement. So here I sit, surrounded by rat terds

because I am a scientist who does research by working with rats. But it just hit me. These rats defecate constantly. I am surrounded by rat feces even though I'm curing

my own bacon in the next room. Maybe that's why there's constantly outbreaks of salmonella and E. coli poisoning in the department every time I make by famous BLTs! Energized that

not everyone I know has gone vegetarian, I served up seconds. Next week I will bring in steak and burgers, both medium rare of course. I avoided my doctor when

the moon was almost full because I probably would have browned him in a garlic white wine sauce in a lupine culinary psychosis, and he doesn't deserve that. He delivered me.

You see, usually werewolves rip chunks out of their victims and swallow them without chewing. But my parents sent me to Italain cookery school in Tuscany at great expense and I use

nothing but the finest Tuscan herbs and spices to marinate those chunks of victim. The other werewolves love it. Truth be told we're a lot more domesticated than most people think.

Mmmmmm...nomnomnomnom.... Why yes, I believe I would like a little ground pepper, thank you very much. Nononono...nothing else...nomnomnomnomnom...