Without thinking, I slapped the cashier.

Without thinking, I slapped the cashier. How dare he accuse me of

shop lifting! The nerve! Now a rent-a-cop removes & upends my raincoat whose many pockets rain all kinds of merch. "I didn't buy the coat...it's still yours! YOU'RE the thieves!" I

could hear the thief say to my personal police officer. The next day I was woken up by my officer, they handed me a note telling me that my police rental was going to expire soon.

Without my police rental, how was I expected to attend the 3rd Grade? I filed an appeal and I was awarded a police rental for the duration of both 3rd & 4th Grades with a 5th Grade

contract available at the Police Commission's discretion. I was all set! I packed my backpack full of textbooks, snacks and highlighter pens and strode up to my elementary school.

I had only forgotten one thing, my teleportation device in case of an emergency to prevent the reveal of my real alien identity. I was sent to spy on schools for one reason, to

identify lonely schoolteachers and to offer to bring them back to my planet, where they would live in luxury while broadening our genetic spectrum. Without my teleportation device,

pupils’ parents, making Excitement. Science would be taught, making Experiment. Dogs & cats would run freely in my planet’s classrooms, making Excrement. These would be the 3 E’s.

The 3 F's would be: Fun, Flatulence & Fornication. 3 G's: Gobsmacking, Go-Getting, Gerrymandering. 3 H's: Halitosis, Heave-Hoing, Hell-in-a-Handbasketing. 3 I's: Incontinence, Impo