once upon a time there was a platypus. the

  • once upon a time there was a platypus. the platypus liked tea. he was British. the British/Canadian platypus liked carrots. the end

  • no this isnt the end! the end is now!! THE END

  • Line 2, satisfied with the ending, packed its bags and went on a vacation to Tahiti. Lines 3 was miffed that it now had to start the rest of the story. And so, in a small house,

  • on a beautiful lake in South Dakota, there lived an eleven-year-old girl and her family. She had just brought home a bear cub she'd rescued from a trap. The little bear's mother

  • got the cubs into the Sedan. Where are we going mommy the cubs asked. She belted them in, put the car in neutral and the Bears' mother pushed the car into the lake

  • The little cubs all drowned. And that, Goldilocks, is why you must stay home, even when I go out and Uncle Bert stays with you. And you must do whatever he says. Goldi shook her

  • file of legal papers, pointing out that Uncle Bert was prohibited from approaching within five hundred yards of her. Goldilocks had had these drawn up when Uncle Bert last tried

  • cannibis, but Uncle Bert & Uncle Ernie reminded Goldilocks she was in no position to be taking ANYONE to court after her breaking & entering in at the Bears' house. She was dumb as

  • a bowl of porridge & off her rocker to boot. Bert fired up the bong & blew smoke rings in Goldy's face while Ernie baked some hash cookies. When Mr. McFeely came to make a speedy

  • delivery of hemp sweaters, Elmo ripped them up and sprinkled them into a cup in their Easy Baked Oven. "A fine Cannabisque," said the Lorax. Culture transcended all states of mind.



  1. Zetawilk Nov 26 2011 @ 15:54

    This reminds me of how little I watched television as a child. Except for Twin Peaks.

  2. SlimWhitman Nov 26 2011 @ 18:34

    lol buddyboy, the ending took the story trajectory to hilarious extreme. Who needs TV when we've got children's fairytales to parody.

  3. m80 Nov 27 2011 @ 11:29

    This is laugh out loud funny. If only I'd had this story to read to the kiddies after Thanksgiving dinner!

  4. SlimWhitman Nov 27 2011 @ 14:13

    pecan pie is painful coming out through the nose. Wait another day or two until everything is digested.

  5. KieferSkunk Nov 27 2013 @ 01:09

    I'm not entirely sure how I originally found this story - it was probably linked from a different story or from someone's user page. But I agree with m80 - it's hilarious, and I felt it needed a dramatic reading, so here goes: http://www.mediafire.com/listen/sqb4so4u28stwck/bear_cubs_in_the_lake.mp3

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