I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo

I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo and tweet tweet birdsong. Just prior to reaching samadhi a rabid panda bites me in the ass. I achieve enlightenment but as a half

-panda half-human monstrosity, cursed with a craving for steak and potatoes but only able to digest bamboo. At night I roam the bamboo forests, gulping enormous amounts of bamboo

and reflecting on the Chinese economy. I've made some pretty amazing observations but because I am a panda, I can't communicate with humans. I tried using my scent glands but

they just tried to make me mate with Arnie a panda who, you know, I'm just not into. Then Alan Greenspan visited my cage, out with the grand kids. He'd understand me. I posted a

even able. Little Monkey stared pitifully at Alan, tilted it's head & pointed his banana at the poster. "OK, little fella," said Alan. "I'll rescue you, but you have to pretend to

be my traveling companion." The little monkey nodded yes. Alan gave him the banana, &they rode together in the rickshaw to the airport.And then it got odd. Alan told the monkey 2

crawl into his pants if he wanted another really really big banana. The monkey scrambled into his pants and Alan quickly took his belt in another notch, sighed pleasurably, and

let the monkey go to town. If anyone ever found out his penchant for lets call it "monkey" business he would lose everything the only problem was that he couldn't stop it all felt

so amazing that he was hooked. He was getting off on the thrill of monkey business, which landed him on the show Strange Addictions, where your mother was a camera women.