I was waiting for the Minute Clinic for 4

I was waiting for the Minute Clinic for 4 hours. It was no big deal, I'm sure the spider was not that poisonous. It gave me time to shop for dinner. Should my hand be this swollen?

My hand had gotten so big, I had to drag it behind me. When it was my turn, the nurse handed me the paperwork. I looked at her helplessly, but she had no mercy. 'We can't help you

because of insurance companies." My hand was growing and throbbing. The Nurse tried to ignore it. My hand got so big someone sat in it because they thought it was a pink couch

soothing. I found that my sofa-hand was useful at family occasions where extra seating was welcome for elderly or drunk relatives. Sometimes embarrassing when in-law flirting beca

me a problem. My father-in-law had a thing for sitting on my sofa hand. He always was a ballsey son-of-a-gun. But, like father like son, right? I scratched him a little, then pull

ed pork sandwiches slathered with barbecue sauce would materialize in my free hand. So..scratching my father-in-law's nethers made sandwiches? Was it causality or correlation?

Either way, it was revolting and delicious -- the textbook definition of a conundrum. How long would the sandwiches keep? I removed my hand from pappy-in-laws privates, recovering

nicely by saying "Sorry. It's just that a black widow was crawling on your lap & I didn't want it to kill you." My father-in-law was so grateful, he gave me his sandwich. I took

a bite of tarantula. Then the funnel spider I'd dropped in his shorts sunk its fangs in. We finally quit bickering & bonded in ER. Good thing my wife's an arachnologist.