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I have three months to live & hundreds of

  • I have three months to live & hundreds of things I want to do before I die. Most important? I wanna be able to say I played craps in Vegas. So I booked a suite at the Four Seasons,

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  • and I flew there like a boss on first-class. When I arrived, I stepped on a nail, so I had to go to the hospital. The nurse turned around, and farted. She thought I was passed out.

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  • The nurse then realised I was conscious and tried to hide it by coughing. That just made it worse because she coughed too late. The smell from the fart was like a rotten cucumber

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  • . My eyes watered from the scent and I cried like a baby. My dog on the other hand got excited by the fart the nurse had just made. It sniffed all over the floor expecting to find

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  • a tasty, delicious cat turd. I tried to ignore the smell as the obese nurse put a syringe in my arm and started to draw out blood. "I don't usually do house calls but I just couldn

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  • 't squeeze in another appointment at the clinic today. Good thing you live nearby," the nurse said while my blood trickled into another tube. She slid the needle out slowly and

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  • finished her stitching. She unfolded it so I could see it. It was a rectangular square of cloth with red and white stripes and stars inside a blue square. The nurse smile and said

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  • with a wink, "You see, this really is Betsy Ross," even though the flag was all wrong. I thanked the nurse and sat with my aunt Mildred and told her how important her flag had been

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  • to the American Revolution. She beamed toothlessly and quickly seemed to forget I was even there. As I peered around the room at all the empty eyes and wrinkled faces, I thought it

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  • prophetic, in a sad way, as if decades of future history were being ordained in this ridiculous triumphalist act. Destroyed, I stumbled towards the bridge. The merciful river sped.

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