I have three months to live & hundreds of

I have three months to live & hundreds of things I want to do before I die. Most important? I wanna be able to say I played craps in Vegas. So I booked a suite at the Four Seasons,

and I flew there like a boss on first-class. When I arrived, I stepped on a nail, so I had to go to the hospital. The nurse turned around, and farted. She thought I was passed out.

The nurse then realised I was conscious and tried to hide it by coughing. That just made it worse because she coughed too late. The smell from the fart was like a rotten cucumber

. My eyes watered from the scent and I cried like a baby. My dog on the other hand got excited by the fart the nurse had just made. It sniffed all over the floor expecting to find

't squeeze in another appointment at the clinic today. Good thing you live nearby," the nurse said while my blood trickled into another tube. She slid the needle out slowly and

finished her stitching. She unfolded it so I could see it. It was a rectangular square of cloth with red and white stripes and stars inside a blue square. The nurse smile and said

with a wink, "You see, this really is Betsy Ross," even though the flag was all wrong. I thanked the nurse and sat with my aunt Mildred and told her how important her flag had been

to the American Revolution. She beamed toothlessly and quickly seemed to forget I was even there. As I peered around the room at all the empty eyes and wrinkled faces, I thought it

prophetic, in a sad way, as if decades of future history were being ordained in this ridiculous triumphalist act. Destroyed, I stumbled towards the bridge. The merciful river sped.