The world is a vampire, sent to drain Secret

The world is a vampire, sent to drain Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames

Chris said as he held the flesh up to the flame broiler. "Back to work ape face!" Shouted the Burger King assistant shift supervisor. But Chris wanted to fantasize some more about

becoming a Burger King senior assistant shift supervisor. That'd put his boss's schnozzle out of joint. Then Chris's burger flipping minions would know the flame of his righteous

brother's Burger King theme song: "Oh, my love...my darlin'...I've hungered for your buns...a long, lonely time." The corporate office loved it & promoted Chris to VP of Marketing.

Chris knew nothing about marketing as evidenced by his first Burger King commercial. It begins with an extreme closeup of a hamburger bun sesame seed stuck in a man's front teeth.

The camera then zooms out a little and you can see the man's fat greasy fingers trying to fish the seed out of his teeth. "Look Chris," Said the Burger King commercial superviser

take his talents to the competition, Jack-in-the-Box. His first advert proposal was inspired by 'The Shinning' and starred a Jack Nicholson look-a-like who jumped out of a box

in nothing but his boxer briefs. That proposal was quickly shut down by his sponsors. "But...but I gave you the money, you said you'd help if I gave you the money..." stuttered the

squeaky-voiced little man. He'd given it his best shot, but he was told to shove off. In the end, he thought, maybe he should've been a doctor, instead.