"Get back in the gorilla suit," I directed.

"Get back in the gorilla suit," I directed. I could already smell the Oscar. "Action!" Gorilla: My darling, at long last, I've returned. But I have strict orders to eliminate

any record of our relationship from your notes. The other gorillas are worried you'll publish our sign language & then humans will know what's up." My remake of Gorillas in the Mis

erables was burning thru cash like Mickey Rourke thru plastic surgeries.It seemed like a good idea at the time: African gorilla living in Paris sewer steals banana and candlesticks

lives as "companion" with Colonel Mustard. The African Gorilla got tired of Mustard's jacuzzi parties and bathtub gin. So when Professor Plumb came over the Gorilla went

apeshit and started through barrels of bananas and all the other gorilla cliches. Except Col. Mustard didn't keep any bananas. Only Gray Poupon. Which is why Prof. Plum visited.

By process of elimination, Prof. Plum decided that the only possible person who could have done this is either Mr. Monopoly or a Green Apple card, labeled Guilty. Of course,

Prof Plum would need to examine the case again using both deductive and inductive reasoning. Over the years Prof Plum's investigative skills had become more sophisticated

than a cow, at least. He started with seductive reasoning but found out harshly he was not the man for it. He then went to reductive reasoning but got less results. Tears

started rolling down his face. Then it hit him. Tearductive reasoning! If he shed 1 tear, he'd get four of them. That meant that if he cried a hundred tears, he'd get 400 cattle.

Unfortunately, 400 cattle was not a good thing. With all the hoo-hah over global warming, he would have to pay someone to take them.