No-one's going to riot in January. It's too

No-one's going to riot in January. It's too dark and cold. Rioting is strictly a summertime activity.

be there or be square." I carefully prepared my rip-off pants, my snap-button shirt and my satin silk underwear. Such an event can embarrass the ill prepared, the weak that will

crumble in a moment of uncertain fumbling -- but I had left that sad old self behind. I even put on another layer of quick-change couture for an amusing surprise for my date. Conf

idence welled inside me as I met my date at the French Bistro. My ensemble of baggy pants, inflatable shoes and rubber nose would be sure to get him to notice me.

"Wow, you look exactly like your picture!" he exclaimed as I walked into the Bistro. He, on the other hand, looked the polar opposite of his. Where was the rubber nose? The beau

tiful white teeth that was in the advertisement? He was staring at me expectantly with those stained and chipped teeth clearly ecstatic with his view. I scanned the Bistro

But all I could see was the wave of ice cream as it came crashing in through the window! I frantically reached for the sack of juicy earwigs I had with me but they had been tossed

to the other side of the room. Before I could even think of retrieving the sack, I was swept away by the icy force of delicious dairy product. I was being swept under when

I remembered that ice cream was edible. And so, I ate my way out of the tidal wave of deliciousness and saved santa's toy sack, while only gaining 37 pounds in the process.