Dave got to his feet swaying slightly. "I

Dave got to his feet swaying slightly. "I hope that everyone associated with this travesty shites a Christmas tree," he proclaimed

Funny. Sometimes drunk people are so incredibly profound. A Christmas tree enema? Probably would help a lot of people, truth be told. In this particular situation, Dave was mad

that he had not thought of it himself. Dave quickly headed to the local stores in order to purchase a Christmas tree so that he might get to experience it first hand. But after he

bought the Christmas Tree Mr. Letterman realized he was alone. He handed the tree salesman the change and then hugged him and said, "Mr Tree Salesman, I need you."

The tree salesman guffawed, "You on drugs?" Mr Letterman released him and said, "Sorry, sometimes I get a little fluffy. It's not easy doing all of those top ten lists on my own!"

furrowed into a frown. Nobody spoke to David Letterman like that. Especially not a tree salesman. David stood up. He wouldn't let the tree salesman get away with this.

Mr. Tree was speaking Treeish, which David couldn't understand without a translator, Mr. Branch. Treeish was a very complex language, with its own alphabet of 479 characters.

David desired to understand the wise tree, so he decided to learn how to speak Treeish. He found a teacher, a wise man who could speak many languages including Treeish.

After studying for months, he gained enough skill to speak with the foliage of the world. Returning to the wise tree, he finally heard its voice: "GET OFF MY LAWN WHIPPERSNAPPER"