When he graduated with his PhD from Stanford

When he graduated with his PhD from Stanford two years ago, he was set to join a team cataloguing endangered species and creating a DNA bank of plants, animals and

bacteria in the swamps of Louisiana. Alex's intent was to put in enough work to satisfy his corporate sponsors while doing as much work on mutagens and reverse aging polymerase

or some such crap. He couldn't remember what his station boss at the CIA told him was his cover. Details shmetails. He just wanted to kill someone and have a mountain dew because

Mountain Dew always tastes better after murder. Dammit! The 7-11 only stocked Cactus Cooler. He glared at the clerk and fumbled in his pocket before retrieving

his roll of Certs, pointing it through his jacket at the 7-11 clerk. "Hey, bro, restock the Mountain Dew now or I'll kill you with the roll of Certs in my pocket!!!" Then,

your defense though, the clerk was kind of a dick to me the last time I was here so on second thought continue with your threats. I'll just hang out over here with the Pork Rinds."

So continue I did. Threat after threat after threat. But the clerk, shamefully hidden behind the bullet-proof glass just started at me. I decided it would be better if we just went

shopping at the JCPenny next door instead. I had heard rumors that the clerks there caved to belligerent bartering much more easily. All I wanted was

to be serviced by a very docile clerk who can take an unrelenting torrent of verbal assault with a smile on their face and asking for more. Why is good help so hard to find?