Hello? Anybody out there?

Hello? Anybody out there?

No... nobody here. We are just...umm... A RECORDING! ...yes, please leave your name after the beep... umm... BEEP! now go away, please?

My in-laws didn't buy it, though, and showed up on Christmas Eve anyway, just as I'd donned my red velvet Victoria's Secret bustier and fishnets. I wanted to surprise my husband,

because he was rich and had a weak heart. I jumped out in my Victoria's Secret outfit and said, "TADA!" But my husband was so old he was deaf. He didn't even notice me, he was

busy cleaning his dentures while watching Jeopardy with the volume all the way up. I sauntered in playfully in my lace underwear when his narcolepsy kicked in. Oh no! Was he asleep

his lips were more kissable than ever. I couldn't help but give him the most sensual kiss I'd ever given. To be honest it was probably better than when we were honeymooners

      and since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. After, he looked

like most men look after the best kiss in the world. This was no kiss, don't underestimate it! This was Nirvana, nay, this was Nirvana on acid, nay! this was Big Bang, the primordi

al sharing of viscous saliva and post nasal drip...well, actually, it wasn't all that good. Yeah, really oversold it there. Meh. It was okay. Better than his elbow, maybe.