In less than an hour, Seattle police had

Or a failure, depending on your point of view. The Shadow Dorito Syndicate was at work in Seattle, stealing everyone's Doritos and making young children cry for their mothers.

This made the mother's irritable, making Starbucks Barristas lives HELL, which made the MAC 360 Fan Boys mad which made their Life Coach's pissed off which caused the

entire story to come to a screeching halt. Hammer time!

"Dun-dadda-dun! Can't touch this!" My head snapped backwards as my Walk-man earphones got stuck in a fan belt. At that moment, my assembly line days were over.

I became part of the machine--a machine producing widgets on a phenomenal scale.

for which I came rolling out the other end of the machine! This is an outrage!! Unexceptional I said, standing up, and dusting myself down

As my hippipotomonstrlsesquipedaliaphobia forced me to use only words of up to five syllables. Gagging with the slimy newscaster's mouth movements, I turned off the tellie quickly.

The heavy feel of the panic attack I was about to have crumpled my knees. The tellie was off, black, but crumbs of digital residue kept the images in my sight. The froggy lips

whispered "hush, hush..." as I curled into a fetal position on the floor. The room dissolved with me in it, and we were no more, every pixel of us vanished as if we'd never been.