"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

  • "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

  • "Well, it seems I have 42..." (sound of a grunt & a moan) "no, make that 43 forks stuck in my ass. Please send an ambulance out immediately! I'm --" The 911 call ended there.

  • Weewooweewoo... The paramedics shook their heads. "You're totally forked. There's nothing we can do for you. Call a cutler." [later] The cutler shook his head. "43 forks in the ass

  • is a prescription for dirty silverware. I advise TarnX! You can remove stains even from deep crevices!" He whipped out a bottle & sprayed it on the 43 forks sticking in my derrière

  • . As he scrubbed and polished, he wondered why there were so many forks. In a thick Parisian accent he asked, Qu'est-il arrivé aux couteaux et cuillères? Les assiettes et les bols?

  • But his false French accent could not hide the simple fact, that no matter how hard he scrubbed, no matter how feverishly he polished, it was still just a bumpy turd.

  • "I kin see right through yer ruse," sneered one potential buyer, "I've got a whole shed fulla turds spray painted gold. They don't take a shine, so don't git all hoity-toity

  • with me. A'm leavin!'" The potential buyer walked back to his shed and bathed in his golden spray-painted turds before the auction continued. The crowds were chattering about the

  • Golden Dumpster, a spanking new sexual deviance device that made the Golden Shower look tame. But when the auctioneer pulled back the curtain, the golden turds had been burgled!

  • The auctioneer attempted to look shocked, but the fate of the golden turds were written across his face. Literally.



  1. PurpleProf Mar 30 2015 @ 20:03

    Disgusting, crude, malodorous, and brilliant.

  2. foldmeonce Mar 31 2015 @ 10:40

    Hilarious, Purple Prof!

  3. PurpleProf Mar 31 2015 @ 10:51

    I want to say (if I am remembering correctly) that I saw a story about something like this on TV...about the weird things ER docs see.

  4. jayursus Jan 25 2017 @ 19:28

    Next, on Star Trek: Voyager.....

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