"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"Well, it seems I have 42..." (sound of a grunt & a moan) "no, make that 43 forks stuck in my ass. Please send an ambulance out immediately! I'm --" The 911 call ended there.

Weewooweewoo... The paramedics shook their heads. "You're totally forked. There's nothing we can do for you. Call a cutler." [later] The cutler shook his head. "43 forks in the ass

is a prescription for dirty silverware. I advise TarnX! You can remove stains even from deep crevices!" He whipped out a bottle & sprayed it on the 43 forks sticking in my derrière

But his false French accent could not hide the simple fact, that no matter how hard he scrubbed, no matter how feverishly he polished, it was still just a bumpy turd.

"I kin see right through yer ruse," sneered one potential buyer, "I've got a whole shed fulla turds spray painted gold. They don't take a shine, so don't git all hoity-toity

with me. A'm leavin!'" The potential buyer walked back to his shed and bathed in his golden spray-painted turds before the auction continued. The crowds were chattering about the

Golden Dumpster, a spanking new sexual deviance device that made the Golden Shower look tame. But when the auctioneer pulled back the curtain, the golden turds had been burgled!

The auctioneer attempted to look shocked, but the fate of the golden turds were written across his face. Literally.