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They say we miss 100% of the shots we don't

  • They say we miss 100% of the shots we don't take, but thanks to vacuous truth, we also make 100% of such shots. I pondered this on the bench, warm as always, taking pudding shots

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  • and missing about 50% of them. I considered the fact that one cannot miss a shot they don't take. So, by not taking 100% of my shots, I would actually be more successful in life.

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  • I lay back in my hammock by the sea & reflected again on my brilliance. I had no home, no money, no responsibilities, and no relationships. Pure bliss. A frisby landed on my head.

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  • It was no ordinary frisbee. This one had a tarnished look to it, for maybe it had flown from across the sea, leaving two young boys at home crying about it's disappearance.

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  • This tarnished Frisbee would be PERFECT for my new steam-punk costume for Dragon*Con! Now, I just need to find some

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  • friends. It used to be you could just purchase them online, cheap even, from Micronesia or Sub-Saharan Africa. But since the drone wars commenced in full, the "government" has

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  • crabs. That's right, the entire government has pubic lice. The way it happened was logical but unholy and scandalous. This drone strike was programmed to end all that.

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  • It was a strike of autonomous miniature anti crab drones developed by DARPA. Major Frank Kranque sat in the control room as they swarmed out to Capitol Hill on their pubic mission.

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  • The national guard was powerless to stop the crustaceal tide - the crabs' pincer formation was impervious. America had but one hope left: amateur Crossfire champion Dingo Scoops.

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  • With all industry annexed for ball bearing production, Dingo readied his trigger fingers, practicing on the carpet of grandma's living room. Shell we prevail? Tune in on CLAWSday!

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