They say we miss 100% of the shots we don't

They say we miss 100% of the shots we don't take, but thanks to vacuous truth, we also make 100% of such shots. I pondered this on the bench, warm as always, taking pudding shots

and missing about 50% of them. I considered the fact that one cannot miss a shot they don't take. So, by not taking 100% of my shots, I would actually be more successful in life.

I lay back in my hammock by the sea & reflected again on my brilliance. I had no home, no money, no responsibilities, and no relationships. Pure bliss. A frisby landed on my head.

It was no ordinary frisbee. This one had a tarnished look to it, for maybe it had flown from across the sea, leaving two young boys at home crying about it's disappearance.

This tarnished Frisbee would be PERFECT for my new steam-punk costume for Dragon*Con! Now, I just need to find some

friends. It used to be you could just purchase them online, cheap even, from Micronesia or Sub-Saharan Africa. But since the drone wars commenced in full, the "government" has

crabs. That's right, the entire government has pubic lice. The way it happened was logical but unholy and scandalous. This drone strike was programmed to end all that.

It was a strike of autonomous miniature anti crab drones developed by DARPA. Major Frank Kranque sat in the control room as they swarmed out to Capitol Hill on their pubic mission.

The national guard was powerless to stop the crustaceal tide - the crabs' pincer formation was impervious. America had but one hope left: amateur Crossfire champion Dingo Scoops.