His mission was to make sure every pond,

His mission was to make sure every pond, pool, river, lagoon, lake, and run-off contained at least one rusted broken-down shopping cart.

Owen's diligent pilfering paid dividends in spades when he put up his shopping cart collection for sale on ebay. Reclusive billionaires, Bill & Melissa Gates, bought them to transp

ort chunks of carbon precipitated from the atmosphere by the Gates Carbo-chunk-a-tron 3000. With climate change successfully ameliorated, Owen used his cash windfall to do two

things he'd always wanted: swim in an Olympic pool in a jumbo like a rich sheik, & experience weightlessness. He decided to do both at once & refurbished a vomit comet

that had been recently retired. He planned to take the altered craft for a simulated zero-g flight and land it in the London Aquatics Centre, where he would ejected himself into

a massive slumber party. Prince Charles would be there in royal pajamas. He wanted to be there. He needed to crash land this plane into it. The pilot tucked his underoos into his

lederhosen and smoothed down his bushy handlebar moustache. If he was going down, he might as well do so looking pretty. His only regret was having never

finished that FoldingStory that had been sitting in his queue for so long. Now that he faced certain lederhosen death, someone else would have to write that final fold. And so,

the story ended quite tragically. He was found years later, his skeleton curled up in a fetal position, lederhosen scattered all around him. He left a note: Tell Gert I loved her.