The man dragged himself into the county jail's

The man dragged himself into the county jail's foyer. A trail of blood followed him. The intake officer said,

"Now see here, alleged victim - we'll have none of that at this hour! Joe! We've got another bleeder in the foyer! Bring the bucket and the bleach. And why, exactly, are you here?"

"I was sent here by the Gods," the victim sputtered before collapsing to the floor.

Before we could investigate Godot's corpse, it was taken away as the Gods hadn't applied the proper postage stamp. "The Gods'll probably regift him anyway," I said. Scant evidence

and the breadcrumbs that he left were being eaten by the damn armadillos. I didnt even know they liked bread. I had no idea where Godot lived. I was lost, and alone in the forest.

And TRULY terrified by armadillos. Lets be real they are basically moles wearing suits of armor who wouldn't be terrified by their disgustingly beady little eyes. All that therapy

I had already spent on my fear of clowns was going to do nothing for armadillos. Oh well, back to Dr. Fatty McButterpants so I can visit Texas without wetting my pants.

But apparently the clowns and the armadillos weren't the only thing for me to worry, when I arrived in Texas. Once I landed and got out of the plane, I was

surrounded by livid vegan socialist Texans. Then I saw them - the clowns & armadillos, lined up by the tarmac in cuffs awaiting transportation. I sighed a hefty sigh of relief.