You know how some people will tell you it's

You know how some people will tell you it's better to look back and say 'I can't believe I did that', rather than 'I wish I had'? Well, I'm guessing those people have never

cut up their wedding dress after finding the groom in bed their mother. My new life as an abattoir worker was the most life changing event since

Boca Brothers meatless burgers took over. Gone was the blood. Gone was the viscera. Gone was the cattle. Instead, I just stood there slicing up bean curd and gluten proteins with

a sort of detached courage; my degree in anthropology served as some sort of barrier to the horror of the truth. Both hunter and gatherer, I, in this Boca Burger massacre, slicing,

chopping, dicing, crushing. I spared nothing. Carrots, onions, parsnips, beets -- all were equal under my blade. Finally, the Boca Burger massacre ceased. All was calm.

We put the corpse-patties into the oven. While waiting for them to finish, we giggled about boys. "Luke has such pretty intestines," Sara said. "It's a shame his spleen is so

messed up." We giggled and talked for a bit until the corpse-patties were ready. Sara put her oven-mitts on and opened up the oven taking a deep breath as the stench came through

the room. "Mmmmm...these corpse-patties are to die for!" I declared, tasting the biggest, juiciest one in the pan. "Haha! That was my Uncle Luther!" Sara laughed as she stabbed

me in the eye with a shishkabob skewer. My depth perception was gone but my ginzu still got one of her nice fleshy earlobes." I could just eat you up" I gushed, and she gushed too.