Against my better judgement I decided I would

Against my better judgement I decided I would try to be civil. When I offered him a drink he sneered at my offered cup of pickle juice. He acted like I had insulted him & his mater

ial sciences degree from the University of Pluto. I had, earlier, before he even got there. So there was no way he could know that is how I felt about him. I deliberately drank the

water out of his dish, hoping he would die of thirst. My University of Pluto dog obedience school degree had not included a course in manners. Then I barked at the kids in the pool

,the mailman, the maid, the nanny, the plumber, the next door neighbor, other dogs, the creaking floor, a cat,my shadow, & an intruder, but he gave me a piece of steak & I shut up.

Gnawing contentedly on my steak, it suddenly occurred to me that I was the luckiest dog in the universe. Heck, just last week, I was wandering, dazed & confused, through the ghetto

, sleeping behind dumpsters in back of the Piggly Wiggly, and having encounters with Pit-bulls, Dobermans, and Mastiffs--God...I'm so glad to back Uptown with all the Poodles and

Chihuahuas who barked encessantly at me... wait... "I HATE CHIHUAHUAS!!" I cried in anger, throwing off the brainwashing dog scientists in a frenzy.

I threw my iPhone at them and they chewed it into 3,846,845.shards. then the chihuahuas vanished Dr. Cgeuksjkfgy asked what went wrong with our experiment. It definitely was a

strange way to test a theory. The new phone was pretty much the same as the last one, despite all the hype. We solemnly swept up the shiny shards at Dr. C's feet. Next time

we wouldn't let the doctor drink coffee after 1am in the morning.