With her final gasp, she insulted my manhood

With her final gasp, she insulted my manhood with a childish remark about how my "nethermane" beneath my trousers was comparative to that of a sheet of velcro. In one blow, I

finished her off, before breaking down and sobbing. How could anyone be so insensitive as to the insecurities of another human? I stood up, wiping the tears from my eyes. Sniff.

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran far away, away from all the turmoil of the human race. I found refuge in the woods, but for how long?

I grew a beard and became the typical checkered shirt-wearing type you'd expect to see living in the woods. One afternoon, as I chopped wood for the fireplace, I ran into

my mother, who was out collecting wild mushrooms. I noticed that among her day's pick was a magic mushroom. She noticed that i noticed and said 'Come son.. Follow me' and held out

the storied sword Hrunting, my birthright. Gently, I lifted the blade from her hands. it was lighter than I'd expected. A flash in the dark sky rippled down the folded steel.

It seemed Zeus wasn't very impressed with the genitalia I so carelessly flapped in his stormy winds, nor the awkwardly long name I had given it. "What a joke!" he scoffed,

brandishing his own with one swift swipe of the hide he wore draped around his shoulders. It might have been the resultant blinding light that knocked me out, but i think it

was his enchanted sword that pierced my dragon-scale armor. "RANDOR!" I bellowed, clutching my chest as the blade glowed dark red. "You ... you've beaten me." Then ... blackness.