With her final gasp, she insulted my manhood

With her final gasp, she insulted my manhood with a childish remark about how my "nethermane" beneath my trousers was comparative to that of a sheet of velcro. In one blow, I

finished her off, before breaking down and sobbing. How could anyone be so insensitive as to the insecurities of another human? I stood up, wiping the tears from my eyes. Sniff.

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran far away, away from all the turmoil of the human race. I found refuge in the woods, but for how long?

I grew a beard and became the typical checkered shirt-wearing type you'd expect to see living in the woods. One afternoon, as I chopped wood for the fireplace, I ran into

my mother, who was out collecting wild mushrooms. I noticed that among her day's pick was a magic mushroom. She noticed that i noticed and said 'Come son.. Follow me' and held out

"Look upon its heavenly glory! Feast your eyes on it! See its length! Wish to touch it? You can't! Fear me, for I now have Hrunting!" I shouted towards the dark sky.

It seemed Zeus wasn't very impressed with the genitalia I so carelessly flapped in his stormy winds, nor the awkwardly long name I had given it. "What a joke!" he scoffed,

brandishing his own with one swift swipe of the hide he wore draped around his shoulders. It might have been the resultant blinding light that knocked me out, but i think it

was his enchanted sword that pierced my dragon-scale armor. "RANDOR!" I bellowed, clutching my chest as the blade glowed dark red. "You ... you've beaten me." Then ... blackness.