Nigel liked to watch. Growing up with Bride

Nigel liked to watch. Growing up with Bride of Frankenstein, The Godfather & the Thing from Another World, he had a rather distorted idea of human relations, so when his caretaker

suggested that they tinker with the lawn mower that afternoon, Nigel was pretty excited. This would be his first lesson in manhood. "Next week," his caretaker continued, "I'll show

you how to BBQ using a propane grill. Playing with fire would be a step up from reassembling a combustion engine. Nigel hoped the caretaker would

bugger off so he could focus all of his rapt attention on the items at hand: propane, flames, steak, seasoning, smoke, and anticipation. He slowly inhaled the delicate aroma rising

from the flames. "Well ah be tarred and feathered if this ain't gonna be one HELL-uva dag gone steak!" he yee-ha'd. Just then he saw what he reckoned was a smirk on a nearby cow or

other bovine-like critter. As I chewed the steak, the nearby hooved heathen's smile grew more and more menacing. Then I realized that the steak in my maw was squeaking like a

rubber ducky. I looked down on my plate instead of a steak there was the remains of my childhood rubber ducky. I spit out the piece of vinyl or whatever rubber duckies are made of.

I wondered to myself, brow furrowed in confusion. How could I have made such a mistake, eaten my favorite toy and my only friend.

what fun it was to flee from a one-horse plushie slaying. Over the hills I went, laughing all the way.