I knocked. Knock tap tap tap knock. "Password?"

I knocked. Knock tap tap tap knock. "Password?" I said "Up yours." The door opened and I stepped into the safehouse. A DEA agent was dead in the corner. 15 kilos of coke were piled

In the fireplace. And that's a lot of aluminum cans - 15 kilos of coke, you do the math. I was never a good caffeine runner, I always get my 7up and Sprites confused, Coke zero?

And don't even get me started on explaining Mountain Dew. Yes, Michelle Obama's ban on carbonated beverages had everyone on edge. I began covert negotiations with PepsiCo

to ensure Pepsi became the number one breakfast beverage in the country but the People Against Lard Arses (PALA) protested. I received threats to bomb my

Pepsi propaganda movies, but the Propaganda Movie Society (PMS) offered their protection by attending every viewing. Now Pepsi was sure to create lardy arses, and Coke couldn't do

nate any money for diabetes. The Pepsi Propaganda team was losing ground. They needed a fresh take to catch up with Coke. Pepsi enlisted Deepak Chopra

To promote the lack of aspartame in their product. Older customers were complaining about the flavour of the new product. Deepak Chopra insisted on no artificial flavours in the

As it turned out, the veggie ice cream was a success. Some the the most popular flavors included Carrots 'N' Cream, Radish The Thought Ripple, Spinach Supreme, Pea Soup Surprise,

Broccoli Road, Potato Parfait and Kale Yeah!