There was that smell again...I lifted my

There was that smell again...I lifted my nose as high as I could and took a deep whiff. It was coming from around this clearing, it smelled like cheese on bread with basil and wine

seven dollar and forty-nine cent pair of Walmart-brand pink fuzzy bedroom slippers. Before long, my feet smelled like rotten eggs and vomit, and the smell made my girlfriend puke

a bit, but she was impressed with my taste. I mean I wasn't letting some fashionistas dictate my choice of boudoir attire. I seductively lowered my 3X faded glory bunny sweats.

The top of my Spiderman Underoos was erotically exposed for her to feast on with her eyes. I licked my lips then took a sip from my beer helmet - I had a Corona on the left and an

eagle on my right. With my absurd amounts of cash, I figured an eagle would make a good status symbol.

And so everywhere I went, I went with an eagle perched on one shoulder (much like a pirate's parrot) and a fat pile of cash perched on the other. One and all knew I was rich, and I

bought the best carriage money could buy. I threw my money around so that Gull would know and come. He just had to, I had been waiting for a long time to fulfill my promise to my

mother in law's hair dresser's best friend's sister's husband's work colleague's second cousin thrice removed on his mother's side Gull. I would use my vast wealth to help Gull to

morrow. Not today. I was plum wore out after everything that happened. Gull would have to wait. I turned out the porch light and locked the door, dragging my weary bones to bed.