There was that smell again...I lifted my

There was that smell again...I lifted my nose as high as I could and took a deep whiff. It was coming from around this clearing, it smelled like cheese on bread with basil and wine

pungently ripe toe jam cheese on stale and moldy banana bread with slimy poop-colored spoiled basil and a bottle of Ripple. It was enough to make me heave all over my brand new

seven dollar and forty-nine cent pair of Walmart-brand pink fuzzy bedroom slippers. Before long, my feet smelled like rotten eggs and vomit, and the smell made my girlfriend puke

a bit, but she was impressed with my taste. I mean I wasn't letting some fashionistas dictate my choice of boudoir attire. I seductively lowered my 3X faded glory bunny sweats.

The top of my Spiderman Underoos was erotically exposed for her to feast on with her eyes. I licked my lips then took a sip from my beer helmet - I had a Corona on the left and an

eagle on my right. With my absurd amounts of cash, I figured an eagle would make a good status symbol.

And so everywhere I went, I went with an eagle perched on one shoulder (much like a pirate's parrot) and a fat pile of cash perched on the other. One and all knew I was rich, and I

bought the best carriage money could buy. I threw my money around so that Gull would know and come. He just had to, I had been waiting for a long time to fulfill my promise to my

morrow. Not today. I was plum wore out after everything that happened. Gull would have to wait. I turned out the porch light and locked the door, dragging my weary bones to bed.