"Sweetheart, let's just forget this birds

"Sweetheart, let's just forget this birds and the bees talk. First, bees have one female that a lot of men have sex with and well, birds, have sex in public. Maybe instead we

take a break." "Wait a minute! What about the stork?" "...Yes?" "Well it's a bird, so does that mean it's an exhibitionist, too?" *Gasp* "Where did you learn that word, honey?"

"Sesame Streetwalkers. It's new, on PBS." I knew that public TVs standards had declined, but this was obscene. I ordered my son to wash his ears out with bleach, and placed a call

to my hooker. "Whaddaya think you've doin', corrupting young minds like that? I have half a mind to..." "I didn't do nuthin'!" She spat. "Sesame Streetwalkers ain't me!" I doubted

and stepped out with dozens of Wormies. Bert and Ernie tried to contain the pidgeons, but before they knew it, they took after Oscar's worms. The limo sped off. It was a set up.

Bert erupted at Oscar. "You've been trying to split Ernie and I up for years! Well we're getting married, like it or not!" Oscar sneered from his trash can. "Not if Kim Davis and I

get married first! There's only one marriage licence left and we're taking it!!" Oscar yelled. Bert knew it was a race to the registry office. He sprinted to the gate but Oscar had

to suddenly stop. Bert looked back at him, urging him on. But it was all in vain. Oscar doubled over, puffed his flushed cheeks, then released a violent tidal wave of diarrhea

directly onto my cat. The cat slammed into the wall, leaving a watery smear, and then frantically ran from the room. "NO!" I yelled at him before slamming my fists into his sides.