"You're not going out looking like that,"

"You're not going out looking like that," she told her husband. He assessed his appearance: yellow duckie inner tube, clown shoes, bermuda jumpsuit, and

bowtie. "Look," he said "the invite says black tie, and my bowtie is black. If your stuffy ass friends don't like my inner tube they can go

blow a dandelion." He pushed past the hosts to the buffet where a feast of hazelnut stuffed flamingo tempted him as much as the ice-sculpture of Burt Reynolds nearby. "If only

there were a Goldie Hawn look-alike-contest, then this lame party would be somewhat interesting." Nonetheless... He Kept walking until he found an empty chair to sit and enjoy his

Tequila Sunrise with a pink umbrella. He crossed his legs in the lawn chair and waited for Miss Right to walk by. The party suddenly got interesting when a Goldie Hawn look-a-like

starting making out with a Gilbert Godfried look-a-like. He spilled his Tequila Sunrise on his Toad the Wet Sprocket shirt. This was some block party, and then a shadow came

to dance. Which wasn't the best thing that could have happened; when the Shadow danced, everyone watched. Even his Toad the Wet Sprocket shirt wouldn't be able to

get successful campaigns to vote for everyone else out there, and sure enough, the Shadow was kicked off Dancing with the Stars the very next week. The Grim Reaper was upset

and replaced the Shadow on the next show. After getting a poor score for the Cha Cha Cha, his freestyle "Dance of Death" interpretation brought down the house. I mean literally.