I drew the robe tightly about me and settled

I drew the robe tightly about me and settled down for a nice long nap. But the robe was not a robe. It was a piece of military technology designed to kill me. Awwwkwwarrdd....

because I was strong with the force. My robe was part of my Jedi uniform, so even if it killed me it only made me powerful than anyone could ever imagine.

I pretended to be Luke Skywalker growing up and wore Darth Vader Halloween costumes. It was the fashion. Being young, you wanted to be cool.

i don't want to be cool now that I am old. I want to be the stick in the mud; the bone fragment in your burger. These days I just want to be the Emperor until somebody's father thr

ows a dubstep party upon which I will rain a Kuiper blast of meteoric vitriol upon their indolent yuppies until every last ear drum ruptures. Now that I am old, I want to be old.

I want to wear my trousers rolled, eschew peaches, and welcome the dying of the light. But society keeps demanding that I try to be young. Commercials for wrinkle creams and

adult diapers are sending me conflicting messages. Why do I wish I had been ragged talons scraping on the ocean's sawdust covered floor? Because I can't take watching another comme

dia dell’arte performance! I wanted to move to the Theatre of the Absurd: Pinter! Ionesco! Beckett! Trump! However, the best I could do was find a couple of grubby hand puppets and

have a future unless they took the reins themselves.