Attention neighbors, the police have been

Attention neighbors, the police have been notified of your toddlers parading unattended down the sidewalk in their motorized cars. Our homeowners association will not tolerate

this utter lack of responsibility, and will subsequently raise the property tax rate of your neighborhood by 83.9%.-shouted a enrage police officer. The adults glanced up from

their soup, but only momentarily. There were a few murmurs, and a general shrugging of shoulders, but little else. "Vhat is tax rayte?" one was heard to mutter, "Ve haf not moneeys

but ve haf ein schwein, ein great big pig." How the hell could I refuse that offer? I knew how to farm taxes & I took that hog home to make sweet bacon.

My roommate opened the door. "Dude! Bro! That's awesome!" "Whaat?" I slurred. "You got a frikkin dart sticking out of your neck!" I frowned. "No way." The hog then shot my roommate

a furtive glance. We shouldn't be here. I pulled the dart out of his neck. It stank of vampire blood. What to do next?

I looked down at my paws, they reeked of defeat. I decided that the only logical thing to do would be to cut them off using a

butter knife. It was what I deserved, I shamefully realized. I'd failed and failed miserably. My problem now was, because I lacked opposable thumbs, I would fail at this task too.

"Look at its face," said the scientist. "It can only express stupidity." The scientists laughed at me. I tried in desperation to grab the butter knife between my jaws. I leapt.