We the people of Del Playa Avenue in Isla

We the people of Del Playa Avenue in Isla Vista, California, USA, on this day March 27, in the 2013th year of Our Lord, do hold these truths to be self-evident: that you can not

not endow aliens with inalienable rights, which include Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of California girls. Furthermore, we resolve to retain our rights as California residents to

walk the streets packing heat. If everyone has a gun we feel safer than if nobody has a gun. In California guns are essential for shooting road signs. The alien rights were

printed on the back of cereal boxes. The aliens got their rights after a million alien march on Washington. Their planet split apart after a comet struck it. They came to earth on

spinning silver pie plates and whirling chrome hubcaps with bubble-shaped windows. Their ships landed on the lawn of my next door neighbor who greeted them with

milk and cookies. Sadly, the cookies were stale and the mysterious voyagers from the craft with the bubble-shaped windows were lactose intolerant. A promising encounter going bad

was not part of the plan. Our mission was to befriend the aliens and now we have angered them. It was time for plan B. The only way we can save the commonwealth now was by

having sex with the alien women. YES! Plan B. We had angered the aliens by refusing to say nice things about their women...woof...sex organs of green putty with snake-like fangs

wildly more successful than I could've thought, and the aliens were thoroughly impressed with how our wet wipe technology could remove sticky ice cream stains from their fur.